In the last blog I made mention of how A Brothers Fountain songs have often become the sound of a moment. An Experience meeting and infusing with truth.
This is a reflection of one such moment.
It took place a little over a year ago on a road trip.
My jeep slowly chugged up a hill along I70 winding our way through the south western hills of Pennsylvania. I had taken off from somewhere outside of Columbus, Ohio, continuing my solo trek east some time in the predawn morning. Hours spent alone in the long silence of the drive were just what my soul needed. I could feel myself pressing against the silence, using music to fill it. I had things I should think through. It was painful, frustrating and I felt alone. I could run in circles in my head all day long, exhausting and going no where. In my soul, I still wandered in remnants of the fog that had embanked my life for the previous year or so. Recently life was a whirl wind of change, after years of waiting stillness, it came suddenly, unquestionably, Full Release.
I rounded a bend and the first warm rays of the day lit the green trees standing tall and refined, like silent sentinels to my left. Though it was late summer the green was bright and fresh. A breeze rustled through the boughs. The trees appeared to give a little shiver and a stretch. It was like a small giggle shook them as the light of the rising sun tickled them awake. I rolled down my windows, letting the crisp morning Appalachian air usher in the new day. I reached over and turned up my radio. My left hand began to play with the wind rushing past.
“I find Myself in the woods, so good! Trees so tall, colors Bright and Beautiful.
I find myself in a meadow, soft and welcoming, grass to my knees, colors Bright and Beautiful
I hear the Birds of the air sing a new song, Oh, this song, I had never heard before.
I lift my eyes to the hills, there your standing still, Face shines, so Bright and beautiful. A hug of a lifetime, an embrace of eternity. So bright and beautiful.
Joy will overwhelm.
Peace will be had.
Love will be shared aplenty…”
My heart was leaking onto my face. Tears rolling down, before I could draw a steadying breath.
I hit replay. I pulled off the road at the nearest scenic overlook and took a moment just to be in this moment.
I don’t know how many times I replayed that song. I had never really listened to it before. It was like in a breathe of time all the hell I had just stepped out of, the sickness, the pain, was actualized and realized but not to end in itself. Simultaneously, peace invaded and promises were given, and in all my ugly mess, ‘a hug of a lifetime, an embrace of eternity’ wrapped around me. There was the sense of a new song stirring. A song I had caught whispered in the wind and ‘ oh this song I had never heard before’, at least not clearly. This was just the beginning.
‘I am my beloveds and his desire is for me.’
I knew I couldn’t keep orienting my life to east, west, or the south, being tossed to and fro in different directions.
Fearing Man. Fearing Failure. Fearing Loss. Fearing Misdirection. Fearing Misleading. Fearing.
Working for Purpose. Working to Produce. Working to Please. Working to do whats Right. Working to Honor. Working Self-Control. Working to Love. Working.
Anything Mastering or controlling my thought, life, actions, identity, emotion that resides outside True North had to be left behind. I could no longer live in the safe, secure, and suffocating hollow of boundaries and rules in this forrest. ‘.. I find myself in a meadow, soft and welcoming…’ where my eyes and heart could, ‘.. look to the heavens and the sky, where True North really lies…’
Never before able to pass out of the cluttered forrest where I had resided, this open freedom, was a little unnerving. I felt extremely exposed, helpless, defenseless. And yet, it was exhilarating. These curious open spaces I had been glimpsing were going to become my playground, finally free to explore beyond what was known and considered safe.
I got back in my jeep, no longer solo, and merged back onto the highway. My left hand played with the wind. The Light lit up the bright shades of green in the sentinels to my left and right. I came to the top of the pass and I looked out at the vast horizon in front of me. I started down into the valley below, excited to discover what all this meant. I was sure that it would be nothing less than bright and beautiful.
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